Only someone who has battled depression can understand the sheer darkness of it. Every day when you find the strength to open your eyes, you’re at the bottom of the same pit of despair. You have to squint to be able to see even a sliver of light.
Lifelong Struggle with Depression
I’ve struggled with chronic depression for most of my life. At one point in college, I reached such a low that I tried to take my own life.
After spending three weeks in the hospital, there was still a cloud of depression looming over me. I wasn’t capable of making good decisions. My judgment was not only poor, but it was dangerous at times. I actually married an abusive man from whom I had to go into hiding to escape.
Fast forward fifteen years, a caring husband, and a breast cancer diagnosis later. From a diagnosis of atypical cells to Stage 2 breast cancer within a few days.
Little did I know that my new enemy would become my strongest ally in my lifelong battle against depression; the irony is surreal when I really think about it.
Is Breast Cancer a Cure for Depression?
Grateful is a strong word, but I will say that I’m not sorry I was diagnosed with cancer. I feel that cancer was my own personal saving grace. It served a purpose in my life—if nothing else, as a bridge to manage my depression.
Faced with my own mortality at the age of 41, I was terrified of leaving this world without leaving a mark.
“Where was that suicidal college student? Now, she was willing to do anything to preserve her life when at one time she tried to throw it away. Could she find her ‘voice’ that was stifled beneath the depression?!”
I wasn’t prepared to settle for my life being for nothing. Suffering in silence was not an option any longer. This challenge was bigger than me, and I had to come out of hiding and open up to the world around me.
During my treatments and my surgery, I launched an online community called My Personal Breast Cancer Journey. The tagline, We’re In This Together, does a good job of summing it all up. MyPersonalBreastCancerJourney.com is a club nobody wants to be a member of, but it does provide a tremendous amount of support for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients and survivors alike, across the globe.
There is so much love and caring without judgment going on as more women find this community and connect that is warms my heart. I am empathetic to each women who is scared and looking for that personal connection with someone who has walked in her shoes. She may not have the means or time to go to a local or physical support group, and that’s why I’m here…day or night, she’s got a “sista” to lean on.
Helping these women, who are in the same spot I found myself in last year, gives me something to occupy my mind, helps me to remain positive on my darkest days, and these survivor stories fill me with inspiration.
Cancer helped me manage my depression and identify my purpose in life, which I believe is to help other women work through their fight with breast cancer to not only survive, but to thrive and to find their own raison d’être. To let them know they aren’t in this alone and I’m always ready to provide a big hug for each of them even if it’s virtual.
Whatever obstacle you face, be it cancer, a deteriorating relationship or another type of tragedy; find a way to use it as a springboard instead of looking at it as a sentence. Use it to make your life better instead of worse. And seek support from others going through the same thing.
Always remember, you will get have a hug waiting for you at MyPersonalBreastCancerJourney.com. I believe in and cherish you as a woman, a fighter and a special human being!
If you are recently diagnosed with breast cancer or a survior, grab your free guide here: Finding Your Inner Strength Following Your Breast Cancer Diagnosis.
If you know someone who has been recently diagnosed and going through depression and you want to help, receive a free copy of: How To Help: Essential Tips, Resources & Personal Stories for Breast Cancer Supporters.
Sandy, what an incredible testimony! It’s sort of like a beauty from ashes kind of story – it definitely inspires me. I’ve also grappled with depression; I suspect not as deeply as you have, but still it can rear it’s ugly head with me from time to time. You’ve been through hell and back and managed to come out strong – very strong. Thank you for what you’re doing to help us – those who’ve walked your path, those who are walking as I type this, and those like myself, who have yet to start down their own journey of recovery. You are a gift to all of us. Rock on Sista!
Thank you so much Julia. All I have is myself to give (feels like my only “skill set” and if I can use my story to help others then I will gladly tell it. As you know I’m kind of quiet….open but quietly talk to one person at a time.)
Thank you for commenting and I hope you never have to join the sistahood. I’d rather have you as a sister by marriage then a sista in breast cancer.
Xoxoxo